Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
