Little spoons don't ask big questions
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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