bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Houston, we have a squirter
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
