I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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