I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
