so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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