Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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