So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
