I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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