I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
