Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
