I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
