Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Duck Duck Cougar?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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