walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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