Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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