Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
