$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When did angry sex become our thing?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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