She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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