my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
