i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
