My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
