I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
