Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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