Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You ruined the universe
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
