He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
