this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
