I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Dicks are not precious.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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