I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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