the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
