No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
