So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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