I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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