hotel room ftw
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Who died my cat blue again?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
