U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
