my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
