If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
