I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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