Screwed.edu
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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