having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
