If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize