I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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