If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
