Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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