i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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