I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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