and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
