I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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