Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
