It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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