she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
