Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
