I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
